I think I had to wait about 3-4 days before he was supposed to come visit. I found myself getting nervous. It had been a LONG time since TJ and I had spent time together. I wondered if he would enjoy his time with me or would he be bored out of his skull. I didn’t plan anything special. I was ordering pizza, he was bringing movies and Wii games. That would have been fine 20 years ago, but now? I told myself to stop being ridiculous. He was coming to see ME, and probably didn’t care what he ate or if we watched a movie or not.
I expected to see him when I got off work that day. However when I stepped outside, I didn’t see him. I made my way to the bus as usual, because I had to meet Sweet Pea when he got off of his school bus. When I got to my stop, TJ was there waiting for me. His face lit up with a big, bright smile. As we rode home, he showed me the movies and games he’ d brought. That’s when I realized that this man actually listens to what I say. The movies I wanted to see? CHECK! The games Sweet Pea wanted to play? CHECK! He even had extra movies, just in case.
We met Sweet Pea at his bus stop. I had warned Sweet Pea that TJ was coming over. I had explained to him that he was Mommy’s first boyfriend and that we were friends now. He seemed to be OK with it, but I also knew that Sweet Pea didn’t like men around his momma. He had just told me a couple of months before that, “Mommy, I like you when you’re NOT married.” Which means, stay single until I become an adult! He surprised me though. He was mannerable to TJ, and shook his hand. Then he grabbed my hand and we started our walk home as normal, with him telling me about his day and who got on his nerves.
When we got home, I ordered the pizza and they started playing the Wii. I don’t know how many games TJ played with Sweet Pea, but he didn’t seem to mind at all, and I had fun watching them. Sweet Pea was being his normal silly self and I just sat back and enjoyed it all. After we ate, Sweet Pea decided on his own to go upstairs and watch TV. That left me alone with TJ for the first time in about 13 years.
It felt really weird, like I was having an out of body experience or something. I remember us both commenting on how surreal it felt. It didn’t last long though. My best friend called and reminded me that she had Christmas gifts for Sweet Pea. She wanted us to come to her house so he could open them. I asked TJ if he would mind walking the couple blocks to her house and staying there for a little while. He had no problem with it. As we walked, Sweet Pea was running ahead of us. He came back a couple times to ask us if we were having a “romantic conversation”, then he’d giggle and run away. I was still wondering what was wrong with my child and why he was so agreeable to TJ being with us!
After a couple of hours, we went back to my house. Sweet Pea went to bed. TJ and I finally got around to watching a movie. He’s a movie buff, while I rarely go, so he patiently watched “Crash” again as I watched it for the first time. He watched it like he’d never seen it before, though! As the movie played, my overly aggressive tail made sure I snuggled right up against him, and I grabbed his arm and put it around my shoulders! That’s how comfortable I was. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t move away either. I liked how it felt: Warm, comfortable, and familiar.
When the movie was over, we started flipping TV channels. We finally settled on Clean House: Messiest Home in America. I had seen it before, but I wanted him to see how dirty these people were. Yes, he watched Clean House with me..and he still does. 🙂
I think that one reason why I was able to be so comfortable with him is because I know that he’s not the kind of man who would be trying to get physical with me right away. He truly wanted to spend time with me. He’s not out for another notch on his belt. And I appreciated that. I still do. HOWEVER, he’d been there for over 4 hours, and hadn’t even tried to kiss me! I like kissing! So because I was so comfortable and because I like kissing and because I can be aggressive at times (yes, I said AT TIMES, if you know me personally, refrain from commenting on that, kthx!) I looked up at him and told him that I knew he was acting shy and that I knew he wanted to kiss me.
He started smiling, then turned his head away. I think he actually blushed. He admitted that he wanted to kiss me, but that he had not planned on doing it until he was leaving. I just had to deal with that, because you cannot get TJ to do something until he wants to do it. I didn’t even try. But don’t ask me what we talked about after that, because I wanted to kiss him and I couldn’t think about anything else. LOL!
Finally, it was time for him to leave. And he did kiss me. And for a split second, I could have sworn we were teenagers again. But then it was different..and better….
And then he left. As I laid in bed that night and thought about it all, that’s when I could honestly say that I had genuine feelings for him based on NOW, and not on “back in the day”. I liked talking with him. I liked being with him…and I could be completely myself with him. Since we had started talking again, I had kind of downplayed relationship talk. I knew how he felt. He told me often, but I was noncommittal, mainly because I was really gun-shy when it came to men and relationships. I went to sleep knowing that wasn’t the case anymore.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I got a text from him. He’d gone to Walmart, so he was just getting home. It said, “When can I see you again?” My answer? “Whenever you want!”
Finally: Part 5