I wrote this back in 2009, when I was still a single mom. I stand by what I wrote then, and I’m posting it in hopes that it can help someone else.
- Get to know your child! When I was pregnant, I dreamed that I’d have an adorable, fat-cheeked, laid-back and agreeable (like me!), son. However, my son proved, from the womb, that it was definitely a dream. He was adorable and had the fattest cheeks ever.…but laid-back? agreeable? NO SIR! However, one of the best things about being Julian’s mom has been getting to know who Julian is…even if I get extremely frustrated at times!
- Have a goal in mind for your child. For the first half of my pregnancy, I thought I was having a girl. While I am not the most girly girl on earth, I looked forward to playing with dolls, buying cute clothes and other girly things with my child. However, my boy showed proof of his manhood in my 6th month of pregnancy when he couldn’t evade the ultrasound anymore. At that moment, I made a vow: My son would NOT be like the males I’ve encountered in my life. My goal is to raise him to be a God-fearing, God-HONORING, MAN. Parenting Julian is centered around that goal, and I keep it in mind in everything I do concerning him.
- Introduce your child to Jesus as EARLY as possible. Julian is very used to going to church. That’s a good thing. But going to church, in and of itself, doesn’t make much of a difference unless one knows Jesus Christ. I began a concentrated effort to talk to Julian about our faith when he was six years old. And it was at that time, during a discussion about the Ten Commandments, that God showed my child his sin. As I explained what the commandments meant, it was like a light went on, and Julian said that he was sorry for breaking God’s Law and he wondered what his punishment would be.….and he repented and believed Jesus Christ for his salvation when he was six years old. I’m convinced that I’d be dealing with a very different little boy if that had not happened.
- Take advantage of ANY support you get. I may be single, but I don’t do this alone. I have a great support system of family and friends that help me with this parenting thing. Support is not just financial either. My brother provides a great male role model for Julian and spends time with him often. My friends babysit for me on the rare occasion that I go somewhere without him. My mom and dad do too much to even talk about. I couldn’t be the mom I am without my family and friends.
- Last, but not least, PUT YOUR CHILD FIRST IN YOUR LIFE. I am all Julian has. He needs to feel secure that he is my priority, and I make sure that he does. Too often, single mothers want to pursue their own interests at the expense of their children. However, if you’re going to raise healthy kids, that should never be done. Once I got pregnant, my life was not my own anymore. It’s all about the boy. That’s not to say that I don’t have interests, because I do. But my son comes FIRST. He knows he’s safe and secure with his mom. He knows mom will always take care of him, support him, and defend him. So he’s a kid with NO worries. Happy and carefree. As he should be.